This morning I noticed that the leaves on my tree have finally started to change. Its almost as if it happened overnight, though I’m sure its been gradual and Maybe I’ve just failed to notice. Either way, Fall is here! =)
I’ve been struggling with the idea of keeping momentum. I have these incredible spurts, these breakthrough moments were the world seems to become clearer. Change feels inevitable, life feels like its propelling me forward in the direction of incredible growth and change… Its an incredible feeling, that I follow by making lists, calendars and plans.
I tell myself I’m going to lose weight, a certain amount by a certain day. I’m going to start a new exercise regime. I’m going to write in my blog daily, get 8 hours of sleep every night, Keep a journal, do a yoga challenge, abolish all processed foods from my house, never binge again…
And then a few days pass… and I find myself eating my third bowl of cereal at 10 pm and i’m not hungry. I have eaten so much it literally hurts, the food doesn’t taste good, but I need it, why do I need it?
And I can’t work out… not after eating all of that. I can’t do my yoga. I knew I needed to be in bed by 9 to get enough sleep but now its almost 11.
Where does it go? My excitement for life, my energy that is propelling me towards my healthy goals and life. Where is it?
I watched an old HCH video the other day, where she talks about trying to be perfect, and then giving up and beating ourselves up when we inevitably are not perfect. This is the trap we become stuck in.
So maybe, in order to get back on track, I have to be gentle with myself, and forgive myself for falling off tack in the first place. I’ve always been so hard on myself, its always been difficult to give myself a break or a second chance.
Looking at my beautiful leaves this morning I decided, in order to grow, we have to be like a tree… and let our old dead leaves drop in the wind.
You can’t grow if you hold onto ideas of perfectionism, self hatred and regret. I’ve been working on taking better care of myself and my inner child, and this morning I realized, this is another opportunity.
So instead of being mad, I’m grateful for a chance to be kind to my Self.
Its ok to fall off track, I know you were so excited, and now you feel pretty disappointed but its going to be ok. I love you and I know you can do anything you set you mind to. Not every day is a good day, but every moment you have a choice how you’ll experience it, and how your day will go. I forgive you for making a mistake. I forgive you. I love you. Lets move on.